You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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