he wants to bone in the snuggie
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
