she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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