I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
