i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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