you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
