i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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