she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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