Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
