I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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