That's intense
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
