I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
