On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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