I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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