Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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