Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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