Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he shaved USA in his pubs
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
