I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
