my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
