He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
