Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
