i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
