I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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