Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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