The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
