Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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