Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I understand Curling. That high.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
