I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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