Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
