Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
