to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
