If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
