i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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