Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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