Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
