he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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