O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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