Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
