tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
