Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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