I smell stomach acid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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