You're my little dorito
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
