that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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