Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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