But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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