I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
