it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
