Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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