Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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