i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
