So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
