I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
