my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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