didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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