So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
