How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
