Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
