her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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