i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
