You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
