oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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