New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
