I wanna bring you to show and tell
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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