Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
