I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
