i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
