New invention idea: vibrating tampons
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
