i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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