oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize