Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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