I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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