you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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