I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
