Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
