right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
